The Game: Competing to win his heart

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“But I shouldn’t have to compete for love,” she said. Her brown eyes began to tear up after she unloaded her most intimate thought.

It took me way back. Suddenly I was standing on the playground of my elementary school, waiting for Dennis the Menace himself to give me some sign I was on his radar. Perhaps pulling my hair would suffice. Oh no, why did he push Julie in the mud? Of course she likes him too … ugh!

Fast forward to middle school. There they go, walking hand in hand, my ex-bestie and ex-boyfriend. Guess her sense of humor (which he always commented on) had beaten my sweet nature.

On to high school where the playing field felt fatal.

Can’t say college was any different.

After traveling through my imaginary time machine I realized a few things. First, I agreed with my friend who said we all, in one way or another, compete for affection. Some sport a low-cut, fitted top to accentuate voluptuous breasts. Others show off bootylicious bottoms in jeans that must be jumped into. Men are not exempt, tossing around money or trying for “most charming.”

If you think you’re not competing for affection, you could be delusional. Think about it. We’re programmed to respond to competition, right? Take the “burger wars,” for instance. What determines whether you choose the Value Meal or Extra Value Meal? Price, toppings, sesame or regular bun, etc., definitely play a role in your choice.

There is no competition in love. Maybe there is in affection, and for certain when in lust. But not love.

I’m convinced that once a person decides to commit and love their partner, physical attributes and all the money in the world can’t sway their emotions. Don’t get me wrong, those characteristics are still noted, but the thought of lovers losing their “bird in the hand” prevents their straying.

Nothing is better than when two people share this emotion. So hold out and sort through the riffraff to find it!

Think you and your partner are in love but you’re still questioning it? Let me help make some sense of the matter for you. Email Lady T.

5 things to do if you’re competing for affection

  1. Try not to take it personally; different strokes for different folks.
  2. Bring your “A” game. Which means confidence, confidence, confidence.
  3. If you’re competing … so are they. Play the field because you might find your match elsewhere or the threat of another could make your love interest more serious.
  4. Don’t give up if you think you’ve found your perfect match.
  5. Have fun! Competing doesn’t mean “devoted,” so enjoy the moment and learn from it.
Tasneen Bowe

Tasneen Bowe (a.k.a. Lady T), a real estate agent and entrepreneur, focuses on things that interest and inspire her and the women she knows. She’d love to hear what inspires you.