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Sundown: When good dates fizzle

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A good friend shares her No. 1 complaint about dating:

CB: We’d go on fantastic dates. I’d think things were going fine. Then they would slowly taper off. Then I’d hear that I’m an awesome woman and have qualities that they’re looking for, but it’s them, not me, and we should remain friends. Soon after I’d find out they were dating a new woman. I get rejected for being awesome and wanting a committed relationship. A lot of my rejections come via text so they don’t have to face me ever again.

Lady T: What’s your response to these men after receiving a text like that?

CB: I ask, why the change? They tell me they need to focus on themselves and they have a lot going on. I tell them that we can’t remain friends and wish them the best. What more can I say?

Lady T: Why do you reject their requests to be friends?

CB: Because I know it just wouldn’t work out. If you can’t tell me this in person, why be friends? Text isn’t the way to communicate things like these. 

No doubt we’ve all been here. You go on a few dates and everything seems to be clicking. You’re hopeful, but then your sanity is tested by your new interest’s actions, or lack thereof. There are countless reasons why this happens, but whatever the reason, try not to beat yourself up. Look at it as if they’re doing you a favor. The only thing you need to do is continue to put yourself out there. You’re single and the world is your oyster!

• • •

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Tasneen Bowe

Tasneen Bowe (a.k.a. Lady T), a real estate agent and entrepreneur, focuses on things that interest and inspire her and the women she knows. She’d love to hear what inspires you.

1 Comment

  1. karen L

    August 20, 2014 at 11:11 pm

    Lady T:

    I’m enjoying your commentary on the realities of modern dating.

    I think one of the biggest challenges is that at a certain point, many men realize that their lives are full with friends, family, children, hobbies and work. They like their lives and their freedom from marital or relationship obligations (read: free from doing things they don’t really want to do but a serious relationship might require.) By going out on a few dates and disappearing, or going out once every six or eight weeks, and using text messages or emails as the primary mode of communication, they can maintain a level of physical intimacy without the additional obligations or expectations of more long term relationships. Good or bad, this is seemingly more common.

    For awhile, I thought the best response was to accept this as it is and just go out with enough men simultaneously to have one that might be available to meet my own needs for companionship and intimacy. While it overcame the limitations of modern dating, it was exhausting. The pinnacle was when I had first baseline seats for a Tiger’s game handed to me three hours before the game and had to call all six men I was “dating” in this modern fashion to find one who could/would accommodate this spontaneous opportunity.

    For now, I’ve gone back to dating one at a time. But at the first scent of an interest in “modern dating”, I’m the one who disappears. I’ll check back with you if my change in behavior yields different results. In the meantime, I will keep reading your column and smile knowingly at the challenges of modern dating.

    K

    PS You nailed the correct response to the “just friends” request.

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